The Worst Night
by McRaider
Summary: Into Darkness SPOILERS: Spoilers! As his best friend, I had seen Jim in a hundred or more emotional situations, but when he came to my room that night, this was the night I would forever remember as the worst night for Jim.


The Worst Night  
McRaider  
Summary: Spoilers! As his best friend, I had seen Jim in a hundred or more emotional situations, but when he came to my room that night, this was the night I would forever remember as the worst night for Jim.  
Author's Note: Spoilers for Into Darkness

I was in my kitchen, finishing up a light dinner, when I heard the chime at my doorway. I'd been expecting Jim to come by at some point, to wallow in his grief at the loss of his ship. The poor kid had tried his damndest to save a friend's life, and the friend had bit him in the ass. It was moments like this, which Bones realized he was quite possibly one of the only people Jim could truly trust. Him, and Christopher Pike, who sadly had torn away Jim's captaincy not that it was Chris' fault, Pike himself had come to see me earlier, explaining the situation and being very clear that I was going to remain on his team. For every ounce that Pike was Jim's mentor, Pike made sure let me know that I too was something special.

I walked away from my dinner slowly and towards the door way, with a pass of my hand, the door whooshed open, and my breath was stolen away. James T. Kirk, my Captain, no, my best friend, occasional love and most of all the only man I'd ever truly cared for, stood just beyond my doorway. His uniform was covered in dirt and what was clearly blood stains, his cheeks beat red, but the rest of him was paler than I'd ever seen, and the unmistakable trace of tears on his cheeks.

Without hesitation I grabbed his hand, and pulled him inside, letting the door close automatically behind us. Not a second after he stepped into my room he crumpled in my arms. "Jim," I said urgently as I went down with him, ensuring he didn't hurt any thing. My hands immediately began what I called 'doctor mode', it didn't matter that he was my friend, or lover, right now all I saw was blood stains.

"Not mine," the whisper almost was too soft to hear. I looked at his anguished eyes and felt concern and fear welling in my gut. I was afraid to ask, I switched back into 'doc mode' and clutched him close.

"Are you hurt?"

The shake of the head made me more concerned that he was in shock than actually injured. I sighed, my dinner forgotten as I gently helped my weakened Captain to his feet, he struggled, but once I was sure his feet and legs would support him, we moved out of the living space and into my bedroom and bathroom. If he was in fact, going into shock, I didn't want to actually give him a shower, the hot or cold water would only cause further shock, so instead, I helped him take off his shirt, my fears of injury finally expelled at the sight of his unmarred skin. "Take off your pants, I'll help you clean up. You hungry?"

The numb shake of his head did nothing to quell my raising concern that the injury was more mental than anything. I headed into the bathroom and grabbed a cloth and dampened it with hot water, I then filled up a nearby bowl with hot water and made my way back out into the bedroom. Kirk hadn't divested himself of any other clothing. I reached out, touching his skin. It was growing colder with each passing second, my hand slid down to his wrist and I waited as I counted his abnormally high pulse. "Come on Jim," I took off his shoes, socks and finally pants. His legs were clean, so I maneuvered him under the blankets and took to wiping his arms and hands, and eventually his face. "Jim, darlin' what happened?" I asked finally.

He finally met my gaze and I shivered at the vacant expression. "He's dead."

Unfortunately the term 'he's' was far too generic for me to fully understand who Jim was talking about, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread threatening to overwhelm me. "Who?"

"Pike," and with that one word the bottom of my stomach dropped out and I sank to the floor beside the bed. I heard Jim's breath hitch in a sob, reminding me I had a patient and friend to care for. But I needed to mourn too. Pushing my needs aside for now, I pushed myself back up, slipped off my own clothes and climbed in behind him. I pulled him close, pressing his chilled back to my stomach, two arms wrapping around him protectively, one around his waist and the other around his shoulders.

I'd only ever seen Jim cry a few times in our years as friends. The first time during his first year at the Academy after an economy course that had brought up some terrible memories of a time that until then even I hadn't known Jim had been involved in. Pike had been the one to inform me of Jim's involvement on Tarsus IV. The knowledge had made me sick, Jim…my Jim, our Jim at the time. The idea was sickening, and then my memories flashed back to Pike's words that day.

_"I was just a kid myself, barely twenty-eight, fresh out of the academy when we landed on Tarsus. The horror…they make it sound like it was half the nightmare it really was. But bodies lined the streets, Len. Everywhere, and only about half of them were actually put to death, the rest had starved. Jim, when I first saw him was nearly wild, terribly injured, frightened of his own shadow but determined to protect the others. I should've known then he'd be a Captain. He was so sick and skinny. He stayed with me for almost a year as we tried to contact his mother. She was fairly uninterested and with Frank's…tendency towards violence we weren't willing to send him home quite yet. Poor kid was so messed up." _

Bones sighed as he held Jim closer, the sobs had evened out to occasional grimaces and a choked breath. He'd have a helluva headache in the morning, but at least he'd still be here. Bones would find out tomorrow what had happened. But he couldn't shake the feeling he should be damn thankful the kid was even still here.

There was nothing to say, the only other father figure Jim had ever had was dead. There was no way to fix that, undo it. He was gone; Jim would be once again fatherless. And that hurt more than even I could imagine. I would check him out in the morning to ensure he wasn't injured aside from the slight case of shock, which appeared to be working itself out now as he lay there.

"I disappointed him," Jim whispered. "The last thing he knew of me was disappointment."

"I don't believe that," I murmured, my mouth inches from his ear. "Pike was always proud of you, even at your worst."

"How could he have been, eve since I was thirteen I've been disappointing him."

This time I shook my head, "No, it isn't true, kid. I know it ain't. I saw the way he talked of you, about you and to you. He loved you, Jimmy, and I'm sure if he'd had the opportunity to tell you one last time, he would've."

"Wish I'd told him."

I knew Pike had known, damn bastard knew everything. He'd done all he could to help Jim out the past five and a half years. There was no question in my mind that Pike had died knowing the kid loved him like a father and would have been furious to leave the younger man behind. I could practically hear his voice in my head.

_'Damn it Len, you take care of that ornery bastard, kid needs someone around like us. To remind him he's worth more than a glance." _

I sure as hell wasn't about to let the man down, we'd shared our fair share of drinks, hell Pike had even given me the okay to be with Kirk if it ever happened. I knew the kid was a long way off from that, too many self doubts, but if I got my way, we were going to be in something more permanent before we did get sent on a five year journey.

"I miss him."

I knew this wasn't going to be the last of Jim's mourning, but for now it appeared to have passed. I wanted to ask him what happened, how it had happened, but for now I'd wait. We were silent the rest of the night, I felt him toss and turn most of the night. At some point I had slipped into a deep slumber, because when I awoke the next morning the sneaky brat was gone. I'd have to hunt him down for a proper physical. But for now I'd be content in knowing I'd helped even the slightest.

_'Damn it Len, you take care of that ornery bastard, kid needs someone around like us. To remind him he's worth more than a glance." _I heard in my mind again.

"I will, Chris. I promise." The older man would be missed, not just by Kirk, but perhaps the most by Kirk.

The End


End file.
